10. Every Christmas, he has to be reminded of the night he ran over some kid’s poor grandmother.
9. All these years and no one has ever once asked him about his intolerance to lactose or his irritable bowel syndrome.
8. During rut, he found out the bright, red and shinny object guiding his sleigh was not Rodolph’s nose.
7. You think he is going to spend it at a Mall?!
6. Christmas Day is always Mrs. Clauses’ “special time.”
5. A lot of the songs make him feel insecure about being premature.
4. He suspects that Mrs. Clause has been having an affair with an elf for some time now. (The taller one.)
3. The bars usually give out free drinks to anyone dressed like Santa on Christmas Day.
2. He’s trying to work up the courage to murder/suicide himself, his wife, and her lover later on in the night.
1. He’s Jewish.
Paxton Grace – Co-editor and Writer for I Left Mars for This?! Paxton has been described as a “Casanova off his meds”, which makes for an interesting social life . . . and a very entertaining writer.