Just imagine… You see her from across the room. As you slowly approach her, you notice some subtle clues about how to approach her. Within a couple minutes of talking to her, you both leave for an intimate evening. If this is what you expect to be able to do after learning NLP, then you have the wrong impression about what it actually is.
So what is NLP, anyway?
NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is a collection of tools and techniques that allow you to critically examine the language you use to communicate, both with yourself and others. Once you understand the language you use to talk to yourself with, by extension, you’ll also gain some insight into the language others use as well.
While some of the tools available are specifically used when talking to others, most of the tools in NLP are specific for self-improvement, whether it’s to become a better orator, overcoming a phobia, or how to communicate more clearly with others. By communicating more clearly, you can rapidly develop rapport with others, dramatically improving the level of understanding others have with you.
What’s that mean in layman’s terms?
Basically, everybody has a preferred method of communication called a representational system. Representational systems are broken down into different modalities.
In simplistic terms, a modality can be compared to one of the five senses. NLP practitioners use the acronym VAKOG to signify Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.
In practice, the ones you’d primarily be interested in would be the first two, but an argument could be made to include kinesthetic as well. For the remaining two, the likelihood of coming across someone using them are pretty slim.
The only people that might have a primary modality of olfactory might be someone who creates scents and perfumes, while someone whose primary modality is gustatory would likely to be someone who’s really into food, like a chef or foodie.
The primary representational system modality is overwhelmingly going to be visual for most people — approximately 60% of people. All the others combined make up the remaining 40%.
That’s great, but so what?
Quite simply, once you’re conscious of how you talk yourself, you gain conscious control of the mechanism that’ll allow you to make positive changes in your life. By modifying how you communicate with yourself, you’ll be able to develop lasting change in your life.
For example, If your primary modality is visual, using lots of visual words and phrases like: see myself…, or visualize xxx happening can greatly increase the impact of affirmations.
The same goes for if you’re primarily an auditory type person. You’d use phrases like: hear the room applaud when you…, or listen as you confidently say…
Another tool in the NLP toolbox teaches you how to analyze your memories. You learn how to determine what different parts of the memory make the memory stronger or weaker, more emotional or less. Then, you can use this knowledge to help erase the pain caused by bad memories.
You can also use this knowledge to make good memories even better. Cross-pollinate the different factors can let you learn to enjoy something you hate, or to deter you from doing something you currently love.
Say you hate public speaking, but it’s something that would help you get ahead in your career. By visualizing yourself giving the perfect speech, boosted by components that increase emotional impact, you can quickly grow to love giving speeches.
Similarly, say you’re trying to lose weight, but find it impossible to give up donuts. By linking something you hate with your current love of donuts, you can change the mental association you have. With the change, you could learn to love broccoli while hating donuts, thus allowing you to easily stick to your diet.
Where to go from here?
So… To go back to where we started at, namely being able to use NLP to pick someone up. Does it work? Sure, it can work surprisingly well, but you’d need to be highly skilled to use it effectively. It’d also be like swatting flies with a hammer. Just focus on learning to use these tools to improve yourself and others will naturally become more attracted to you.
NLP has many tools available to let you become the best version of you that’s possible. With some research, some work, and possibly some help from a certified NLP practitioner, the positive changes you could make in your life would quite literally turn you into a new person. All it takes is that first step.
Chad Kunego – Was once told by a guidance counselor at the age of thirteen that the best he could hope for was to be a photographer’s assistance. He spent the next twenty-eight years proving them wrong. Having learned from a young age that his ADHD made him different from everyone around him, he dove into the study of accelerative learning and self-improvement. From learning how meditation helps people with ADHD to stay focused, to learning how to reprogram his thought processes through the use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), he’s proven to himself that the guidance counselor didn’t have a clue. He now spends his time writing articles and books about what he’s learned so others can benefit.