The original title of this post was “Beware the elongated honeymoon period,” which will be explained later…
Beware the normal, and abridged even, honeymoon period!
The first six months (give or take a few months) of a relationship are always sparkling. This is the honeymoon period. In fact, it better be if your relationship is to stand a chance at all. If there is already trouble in paradise by month two, I’ve got a rude awakening for you: it doesn’t get better with practice.
The first few months is just not representative of the real world. You live in a fantasy world where your partner is your sole priority. Other hobbies and priorities get pushed to the wayside, and you might even slow down at work. You’ll be a ghost to your other friends.
The honeymoon period is driven by novelty, infatuation, passion, sex, and degrees of obsession. There’s nothing wrong with this, and the honeymoon period can be the happiest times of people’s lives.
The problem is that nothing in that list represents what drives a long-term relationship, and many people project their honeymoon period success into how successful their long-term relationships will be.
This is why I generally ignore any sweeping proclamations of “They are the one!” or “I just know we are such a good fit!” within the first few months of a new relationship. Of course you guys fit well together – you’re so focused on the pleasure of simply being with each other that you sweep your issues under the rug for later. Nothing is addressed and no arguments are had.
It’s tricky and hard to see through even if you’re completely aware of the phenomenon. You can’t deny the feelings that you have, but best practice dictates that you think about what you actually have once those feelings fade a little bit. Is there enough substance behind the infatuation and sex?
The honeymoon period is the impetus behind many a summer fling, long remembered in wistful tones because the relationships existed in a vacuum of pleasure.
As for the “elongated” part – honeymoon periods can be sneaky little buggers. Some can last an unexpectedly long time, which can make people think that this is how things will always be, or that they’re out of the zone of danger.
Can they, and are you?
Patrick King is a dating and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California, and has been featured on numerous national publications such as Inc.com. He is a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author – somewhere among the many clients throughout the years, he decided to flesh out his inner monologue and found that he had quite a bit to say. http://patrickkingconsulting.com