#1 – Love is always intense and always on
The truth is that when you’re in a long term relationship, things heat up and cool down all the time. It doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong if things are cooling down. It just means that you’ve passed the point in your relationship where you start to remember that there’s other things going on in the world. Life isn’t a soap opera full of drama and suspense. There’s a lot of in between stuff. Most of it is the in between stuff.
#2 – Talking everything out is always the best solution
I am a talker. I like to talk about things, analyze them, and have intelligent debates. That’s why people pay me to talk for a living. So it was an adjustment for me, because my man is not really a talker. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care, or that our problems and our relationship aren’t equally important to him. It just means that he’d rather jump in and take action. So, I had to learn to go with the flow and trust him more. And I’ve found that by using less words to get to the heart of the matter, and then agreeing on the action to take, we’re usually more in sync than I thought. And I think that laser-like path has made me not only a better boyfriend, but a better coach, and just better at life.
#3 – If you’re not jealous, you don’t care
This was a complicated thing for me to learn. I’ve always felt kind of obligated to at least feign jealousy to show a significant other that I don’t want to lose them. And I think that there are a lot of people who kind of play on that. But when I let myself feel my insecurity and fear, and stopped trying to police our relationship, that’s when I really realized that he chooses me. Every day, we have a choice. And every day, we choose each other. And the feeling of being chosen over every other man on the planet is incredible!
#4 – We have to become one
Especially when I was younger, I always hung my identity on the people around me. I sort of became a different version of me depending on who I was around. But realizing who I really am and being authentically myself no matter who I am around is such an amazing shift for me. We don’t have to be the same person. We love each other because we aren’t each other.
#5 – I’m nothing without him
To sort of carry that same point a little further, my value as a human being doesn’t come from my relationship anymore. It comes from within me. And when I value myself, I can truly appreciate him valuing me.
#6 – My relationship should always make me happy
In retrospect, I threw out a lot of decent relationships before I met my partner. I was always looking for the deal breaker. And the moment I wasn’t having fun anymore, I wanted out. But this time, he fought for me and kept me. He snapped me out of that mode and showed me that he wanted to be with me through the good times and the bad. And I think that was really the moment that our relationship changed and became something real.
#7 – (Insert Quality Here) is more important than sense of humor
In my experience, humor is the grease that makes everything flow more easily. I believe that my boyfriend and I can do anything, because we are always laughing. When either of us is getting overwhelmed, we take a little time to laugh and make fun of ourselves, and then we have the energy to keep going. My husbear, Robert, isn’t the boyfriend I always thought I wanted, but he’s the perfect boyfriend that I needed. He pushes me to be better every day, he believes in me, and he lifts me up. Building a better life with him is more than I ever could have asked for. Happy Valentine’s Day, Bobby!
As an ICF Professional Coach, Matthew Ryczko is a motivator, sounding board, and strategy partner specializing in relationships, job satisfaction and personal development. Matthew is available for one on one coaching by phone at YourCoachMatt.com. Matthew is also an LGBT and wellness blogger with a passion for helping others. Social Media: Facebook: fb.com/yourcoachmatt Twitter: @yourcoachmatt
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